2013-02-28 - Day 9

I walked onto the plane tonight and it felt like everyone was looking at me.... Everyone was judging me.... "Wow look at her, look how fat she is....." I walked off the plane once we landed and I had to go stand in line to wait for my bag.... Same thing.... There was someone standing across from me and it felt like I had to make myself small to let people pass..... Is everyone looking at me again? When I walked out of the jetway, I didn't look up, I just keep walking to get out of there..... I just wanted to get to the car so that people can stop looking....

My husband once said to me: "What makes you so special that you think everyone is looking at you?" That sounds like an insult but he actually meant that I should stop worrying about the fact that I think everyone is looking at me....

Once we got home I wanted to tell him that I want to start this diet sometime over the weekend but at the last minute I stopped myself and did not say anything. He is so used to me starting and stopping that I just know what his reaction is going to be.... I so badly want him to believe in me. I so badly want him to support me, to help me. It is almost harder to tell him what I want to do then what it is to do it..... He is so used to me just giving up.

Maybe I just need to get everything and start on Monday when I am at work for the week...... He will no even know that I started. Maybe I need to have one successful week, go weigh in and then tell him how I did my first week......

I need to set myself up for success....
I need to believe that I can do this......
I need to believe in myself!