Sunday, February 24, 2013

2013-02-24 - Day 5

Today was amazing.... Nothing to do with food..... Of course... Nothing changed on that front...... Still as bad as can be but with one exception.... I did not sit down for one minute.... Eating bad is one thing but doing that with no physical activity is even worse....

We had friends over for dinner tonight.... Long story but we sometimes makes mistakes and say things in the spur of the moment that we regret for the rest of our lives......there is no going back..... BUT, sometimes in life, you get second chances and trust me, when you get it, you need to grab it with both hands and thank God for it.....

It takes special people to give you that opportunity and you need to see that for what it is.... A gift, something really special.... Make the best of it and appreciate it.... these people were a very big and very important part of our lives when we really needed support.... They went above and beyond in so many ways.... And because of me, we lost that....

We are working things out and I really hope that we can be back what we lost.... A this point I still don't believe that I deserve this - another one of my issues....

The reason why I am even mentioning then is that they are on a diet and have lost an amazing amount of weight.... They look so good and they are an inspiration for all.... And trust me, it is as hard for them as for the rest of us..... They are there for each other and they support each other and it takes so much willpower. I am very proud of them and they enspire me to want to be good also..... All I need to do is ask..... And I know that they will help... That is just the kind of people that they are...

Now, I have to ask everyone else, I have not asked for help because I am afraid that I will fail AGAIN.... As bad as I want this, how do I get my mind to cooperate with me?

The people close to me certainly does not believe in me... That much I do know..... They know that I will fail so I have kind of given up on myself also.... How do I get that willpower back? How do I stick to a diet? How do I get myself to the gym? How do I start believing in myself again?

Maybe,
Just maybe,
There is still one person that believes in me somewhere out there.......



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