I spoke to a friend of mine this afternoon, she is currently working in London. She invited me to come and visit her. I have some vacation left that I have to use in the next five weeks or I lose it.... Great, you would think! Not me, the first thought that came to mind was: "How on earth am I going to lose weight before then?".
So is that what is going to make my decision for me? Am I going to let my bad habits ruin my life, control me, prevent me from living, prevent me from doing what I always wanted to do?
Am I the only person in the world that is struggling with this? A silent struggle that only I know about? Talking to my blog because at least it feels like I am talking with someone..... I think that most of the time I am ignoring people because I am embarrassed - I don't want people to see me like this. I have so many excuses.... I am letting life pass me by....
I have done crazy things.... I called a Weight-loss Surgery Center - I told them what I need to do if I wanted help.... The first thing they asked me was whether I was more than a 100 pounds overweight.... I said, heck no..... They said that only help people that are more than a 100 pounds overweight.
I wanted to sign up for The Biggest Loser, the new season recruiting has not yet started. They too want you to be more than a 80 pounds overweight.
So, let me see - I have to eat twice as much - until I am more than 100 pounds overweight before someone will help me... Even then I have no guarantee that I will be helped. There is no show that helps people that are obese but not morbidly obese.
So, who is going to help me? Last year we had an extremely bad year. I started talking to God and you know what, he listened. He helped me. When all hope was lost I prayed and God answered my prayers. I have never experienced anything like that before. Some days were really bad but the days that I had no doubts what-so-ever, God answered my prayers.
I read my bible every day. I pray every day. I go through the motions but I do it because I feel guilty. I ignore "God" also because I don't want him to see me. Truth be told, He sees me when I am good, He sees me when I am bad, He is just waiting for me to say the word, He is waiting for me to hold out my hand, to reach for Him. He sees me the way I am and He still loves me the same - fat or thin.
God sends help in all different ways. It might be a person that crosses your path, it might be an advertisement on TV, it might be an email that you receive. If you look closely you will get the message. If you are quiet, you will hear the message, the one that was meant just for you.
Overeating also needs a twelve step program - it is no different than any other addiction. So tonight I pray this:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him; Forever in the next.
Amen.
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